The dreaded terrorism color coded system is gone. No one liked it.. We’ve been orange for a while. I guess it made everyone feel blue.

So Homeland Security’s wisdom-filled halls decided to change things up a bit and scrap the Tom Ridge invention.

This morning on the TODAY SHOW, Secretary and ‘big Sis’ Janet Napolitano unveiled the brand new system: Gone are the color codes, and in is a memo-style press release type system.. the government promises less confusion. 

Here is how a ‘less confusing’ system works: 

CBS News explains that at the first sign of danger, a newly formed special counter-terrorism advisory board would have just half an hour to meet to begin inter-agency intelligence sharing. An official threat warning must then be issued within two hours.

“In some cases, alerts will be sent directly to law enforcement or affected areas of the private sector, while in others, alerts will be issued more broadly to the American people through both official and media channels,” DHS says on its website.

The new alerts will include maps or other graphics showing the areas affected and, unlike the color-coded system, will include a specific date when the alert expires.

As much as I hate to say it, the colors may have worked better than this.. I’m not trying to be over-critical of things, believe me, but.. I frankly don’t see what is less confusing about this.

Perhaps, instead, something could be done to alert people by Napolitano herself. Perhaps her gray streak in her hair could start to be color coded.. Red for imminent dangers, gray for normal times.. Maybe it could start also predicting weather, stock market fluctuations, and even even traffic conditions on a local level.

..and while we’re at it we should issue color coded warnings on prescription drugs, as statistics show that they are %16,400 more deadly than terrorism..

ATTACK OF THE BODY SCANNERS, 2011 edition..

Indeed, if the airport body scanners had a stigma connected to them, just imagine what the new crop of body scanners will do—body scanners that will be train stations and also in mobile vans, roaming the streets, blasting high powered radiation to pedestrians who just want to jay walk and go on with life..

Interestingly, the body scanners have been ‘debunked’ by several sources over the past years, saying they were simply ramblings of paranoid conspiracy hacks. Now, with the information appearing in FORBES, either the world has turned upside down or those conspiracy hacks were on to something for years.

Scan me up Scotty.